Apollymi

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July 27th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 27

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So close to the end. So close to done. I just don't know that I'm going to reach my unofficial 65,000 word goal. I still have another 10,000 words to go, and I don't have that many days left to try to make these words happen. I'm not saying I'm stopping, but I'm not sure I'll reach 65k. That's all I'm saying.

I'm seriously ready for the weekend. I'm ready to see if we can't get some more of the rent (and other) money up. I'm ready to see if we end up going to FurKids or to the Humane Society and bringing home a kitty baby. If it's through FurKids, [personal profile] katsuko is talking about bringing home two: Wilmington and Remstar... or as they will be to us, Buck and Remy. But online reviews suggest that they are very difficult to get animals through. So we're also looking at the Humane Society of Fulton County.

I'm torn on how I feel about this. Yes, the Humane Society is a good option, but we've both kind of fallen in love with Wilmington and Remstar. And I know Wilmington has been at FurKids since at least March or April, when I first started glancing around there. You'd think they'd want to get him into a loving home... but they are apparently somewhat difficult to adopt pets from.

I don't know. We'll see what happens.

And even though I don't have all my words that I want for the day, I'm going on to bed. I'm so damn tired that all I want to do is drop. So I think that I'm going to do just that. Later, all.

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July 26th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 26

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Just when I think we've got our heads above water again, something comes crashing back down to change all that.

Because somehow, despite working over 70 hours in the last two weeks, [personal profile] katsuko's IKEA paycheck take-home was less than $300. Hell, it was barely $200. We needed that money to pay rent. In fact, we'd been hoping to get rent paid on time or early this month. Instead, now, we're going to have to wait until the 4th when my check goes in and hope that she makes enough at the restaurant to make up the difference.

And I still have to pay another $110 to the IRS as soon as possible. They want it within seven days (I'm not sure if that's seven business days or just seven days) in order for me to keep my part of the contract. But the other part of the IRS said that they will be sending me a letter saying it has to be paid in full within 30 days. And I just don't know. It's ridiculous.

But in addition to our nearly $1000 rent payment, I also have to come up with that $110 for the IRS. Plus $110 in late fees that will be assessed because we have to pay after the 3rd now. And I just have to hope that I have all this together by the 9th, because on the 10th, they evict us. Plus I have to pay for our storage building (another $70) and renter's insurance ($25). And then there's the Verizon phone bill ($214). But at least I managed to get the internet and car insurance paid before this.

I'm regretting going to the eye doctor, though. Yes, I didn't have any more contacts and, yes, [personal profile] katsuko's glasses were six years old, but we need that money now. I don't regret the money I spent towards getting Roo taken care of, even the $90 for them to make a paw print impression for us, because that needed to be done, but that was a huge $400 bill. Because, yes, cremation is apparently expensive as hell, but I wanted my boy to be treated right.

I'm just out of ideas. Obviously, I'm also out of money. I'm about to the point of trying to sell plasma for money. I'm already going to be selling a lot of my DVDs and BluRays for money and hoping I get a decent bit for them. I'm also probably going to be selling my XBox 360.

I'm just... This is all too, too much. I'm mentally and emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm at the point of possibly having to say no conventions this year. I might have to tell Mist not to come visit because we won't be able to afford anything while she's here, if I'm crunching the numbers right. And I might need to cancel my doctor's appointment for next month, the one that's supposed to tell me while I've had a period last three and a half weeks, go down to spotting for a week and a half, then start again ten days ago -- and is still ongoing.

I'm at my wit's end.

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July 25th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 25

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Well, I've officially broken my 50,000 word goal. That's a good thing at least. I got out Write or Die, so I have a nice and high word count for the day, so I can go to bed at a semi-decent hour. I'm still working on the unofficial goal of 65,000 words. I'm not completely sure that I'll reach that, but I'm going to try.

Work was work. We had some computer issues and some difficult testers and all, but I made it through the day.

Roo was ready to pick up this afternoon, and [personal profile] katsuko did it, since she was already off work and I still had a couple hours left. We have him with Aya and Jimi. His paw print is on the mantle piece with Jimi's as well. That's significantly harder.

I found out the other day that part of my job is in a bit of jeopardy because I still owe the IRS money. Specifically, I still owe them $166 from 2013, money I thought was already paid. And after the rather huge bill with Roo, nearly $400, it's also money that I don't have. I have seven days from receiving the letter to have it paid in full or in a payment plan or risk losing that part of my job.

And yeah, that's the daily freakout.

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July 24th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 24

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Well, I finally managed a good writing day. Granted, it was all on one story, but that doesn't really matter so much as words actually happening, right?

Work today was... work. I made it through with a minimum of issues and generally nice testers. Everyone inquired how Roo was since I left early to take him to the vet, and everyone seemed genuinely sorry that he had passed. That was nice, I guess.

I guess I don't really have anything else to add for today. I've got things to do and words to write... but I also have sleep to get, and that's taking priority right now.

Good night, all.

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July 23rd, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 23

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I feel like I'm almost caught up with where I need to be for sleep, except that I'm about to start back to work tomorrow, which means a distinct lack of sleep again.

That isn't to say that I haven't spent the day drifting off at the odd moment, including at Panera Bread, but at least I haven't felt as drained as I usually do. I do, however, have the distinct impression that the weekend went by without me.

And I know that's because I spent the whole weekend drifting by in a sort of haze. Honestly, I'm a little bit still there. I keep looking for Roo on the end of the couch or Jimi snuggled up next to me. I feel like I'm constantly having to be the brave one and not let myself break down in tears... aside from the panic attack I had on the phone with Mom when I first got home on Friday and found Roo.

I hate having to feel like I need to be the strong one. I would love the opportunity to break down. I'm tired of being strong. But I can't seem to get past that block in my brain that says I have to be. I can't stop hearing Oyaji's voice in my head every time I start crying, calling them "crocodile tears" or telling me to grow up or something like that. It's not healthy, but that's where my brain is at.

Anyway, I need to go crawl into my bed. 5:30 gets here awfully early, after all.

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July 22nd, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 22

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I can't say that I feel much of anything today. I'm numb, is probably the best way to say it. I'm numb and emotionally void. I'm flying mostly on autopilot last night and today, and I just don't even know what to do about it.

I'm just tired and numb and void. I've got nothing in me. I'm trying to keep on keeping on, and I'm not sure how much of that I've got left in me.

Because we already had the appointments, both [personal profile] katsuko and I had our eyes checked today. She needed new glasses desperately, and my last pair of contact lenses ripped on Friday. Her glasses are being made, and I'll have my contacts in a week or so. I have a trial pair for now, which is better than nothing, I suppose.

We have had a Boo hanging out with us every time we're still for more than a few minutes at the time. She's not on the furniture with us while we're writing or anything, but she's hanging in the same room as us, which is new and different and definitely not unwelcome.

I keep worrying that she's going to get lonesome on her own. She's always had at least one other kitty around. I'm just not sure that [personal profile] katsuko and I are both ready for a new cat. I'm not sure if we're recovered from losing Jimi and now, after losing Roo, it's all so raw. But I also feel like we need to do what's best for her and think about if she needs a companion.

But like I told [personal profile] katsuko, no decisions right now, not while we're not at our best. Boo will forgive us that much at least, if she does feel lonely. We need a little time... and we need a chance to recover financially from the unexpected cremation cost. Because that was nearly $400 we did not have to spare.

And yeah, I'm just null and void. I'm numb beyond meaning of the word. I just don't care anymore. I can't make myself feel anything.

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July 20th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 20

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I'm not sure what I have to say for myself for today. It's been a very long day, mostly thanks to work. Let's just say that I'm going to be glad to have the weekend get here. I'm not sure that I'm going to have a day for catching up on sleep this time around, but I'm absolutely going to give it a try.

I'm nowhere near the words I needed for the day, and I'm too tired to keep trying. I'll do my best to catch up tomorrow during the day and in the evening.

And yeah, that's all I've got in me today. Later, all.

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July 19th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 19

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I wish I knew why I'm so tired tonight. I keep drifting off where I'm sitting.

In fact, I actually just woke back up to type this. So... yeah... I'm gonna go lay down somewhere until it's time to go to work.

I'm not sure whether to say "good night" or "good morning" at this point.

Whoops.

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July 18th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 19

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Well, writing is coming along nicely again. I did manage over 2100 words today, so that's a good thing. I spent a lot of time researching stuff for this section of story, which mostly involves porn and also BDSM websites and stores. I'm not going to get into the details and all here, because I'm tired and ready to go to bed.

Today was a day of assholes at work. We had one guy who had a 9 hour test scheduled come in late, so he started late. He got his full time allotted, because we have no way to deduct time for people pulling shit like that, so we ended up being half an hour late getting out today. We were 15 minutes late getting out last Friday. Now, granted, this Friday is meant to be MCAT tests, so if they all finish when they're supposed to, we should all get to leave early, which will be a nice change of pace. I like MCAT Fridays. I just wish they weren't on Fridays, so that I could actually enjoy them.

Anyway, yeah, sleep time now. It's late, and I am so ready to crash on something other than the living room couch. I would accept the couch in my bedroom, but my bed is sounding pretty damn appealing.

So... Good night, all.

(And yes, for the record, it is really hard to go from writing "Goodnight", as in Goodnight Robicheaux, to "good night", as in hoping everyone has a nice one. It feels stupid weird.)

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July 17th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 17

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I guess I really don't have anything to say for myself for today.

I went to work. I wrote. I tried not to let myself get too distracted with other shit when I'm trying to accomplish any of the above.

I am hoping that I'm not starting to get my annual sinus infection again. I'm all stuffed up, though, and my ears hurt when I bend over, so it's looking like that's pretty solid maybe. I'm going to try heading it off with some sinus medicine and see if that helps any.

And yeah, that's about it for me for today. Later, all.

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July 16th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 16

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I swear, I am actually getting sleep (somewhat) on these days when I'm not at work. Okay, I got sleep yesterday, but not so much today, since I drove [personal profile] katsuko into work. And since I can't quite seem to get drifted off tonight, I don't think I'll have a lot before going into work on Monday. Oh well, lots of caffeine will have to do the trick. I think I can handle that.

I'll have to handle it.

It was a fairly decent writing day, for all that I spent it bouncing between Panera Bread restaurants, drinking way too much hot tea and trying to stay awake. Granted, I didn't get as much writing done today as I should have. I didn't get enough done to make up for the couple of bad days I had Friday and yesterday. I never wrote less than a thousand words so far this month, but I've written less than my minimum of 1,613 (for 50k) and 2,097 (for 65k). I'll have at least managed that much tonight. I just won't have rebuilt my surplus that I had had going before.

I seem to have a bad case of snap, crackle, pop going with my shoulders and back. I had been going to take my laptop with me tomorrow to work, but I think I'm just going to stick to my regular purse and iPad instead. See if I can't cut down on my shoulder pain where I can.

And now, I haven't finished tonight's episode of Game of Thrones yet. No spoilers, please.

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July 15th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 15

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So, yeah, I didn't do so great with the writing today either. I was hoping for a lot more than I managed, that's for certain.

I'm just going to have to break out Write or Die for tomorrow to get caught back up to where I need to be. I had to use it today to get as far as I did.

I'm not tired of writing. I'm just tired. And easily distracted. But mostly tired.

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July 14th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 14

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Okay, this one is going to be short. It's taking everything I've got to keep my eyes open long enough to type this up.

And it's taking even long since I'm misspelling every other word. That's the part that's actually annoying me. And it's not "misspelling" or "annoying" that I'm messing up on. Nope, it's "long" and "going" and "taking" and "eyes". Ya know, the basic shit.

I did not hit either of my word goals today. Trying to make words happen at work today just wasn't happening, thanks to the fact we were testing a lot of assholes. Granted, that was pretty much the story all week, but today was particularly trying.

(It's the "ing" that's giving me the issues. It has to be.)

Anyway, yeah, I'm just fucking wiped out, so I'm going to go on to bed. Good night, all.

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July 13th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 13

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Today is my cousin Lee's birthday. If I'm mathing correctly, he will be 27 years old today. God, this makes me feel old. I remember him being a wee toddling thing. Now he's married with a four-legged puppy child. It just doesn't seem right.

I had a pretty decent writing day today. I'm coming along well enough toward both the 50,000 word goal I've had as my minimum and towards the 65,000 word goal that is my unofficial one as well. I doubt I'm going to go much over that unofficial goal, but we'll see. Who knows what the weekend will bring.

I do know that tomorrow we'll be paying the Verizon bill again, paying the renter's insurance again, and so forth. I do know that Saturday, [personal profile] katsuko and I have tentative plans to go down to the Tanger Outlets in Locust Grove and see about finding at least one new pair of jeans each, possibly at the Levi's outlet store. I think we might try to go see Spider-Man: Homecoming while we're out that day. I don't know yet, though. I think that's all of our weekend plans, though.

Aside from more writing, of course.

And that's about it for me for tonight. I guess I really don't have a lot to say for myself for today. It's been a long one, not to mention a long week, and I'm going to be glad for tomorrow to be over. Hopefully testers will be in better humors next week.

So, yeah, that's it. Later, all.

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July 12th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 12

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Today wasn't a great writing day. I tried to make words happen, but they were just stubborn. That or I just kept getting distracted. It could really go either way.

But I tried. I did meet the minimum word count I need to finish with 50,000 words for the month. I just didn't quite reach the number of words I need to reach 65,000 in the month. It's a sad but important distinction.

There was a lot of discussion today about setting up a martini bar at work. It's been that kind of week. Seriously. It's very much been that kind of week. Between attitudes and married men flirting hard and people coming in late (and thus making us have to stay late), it's been such a damn week.

I'm trying to help [personal profile] katsuko get her resume up to snuff, so that she can start applying around again. IKEA is doing a reshuffle, and it's going to end up negatively affecting her. It may just end up meaning that she's shuffled into a section of the store she doesn't like, but it might also mean that she either loses hours or takes a pay decrease. There's no telling until it actually starts happening in the next few weeks.

And yeah, I'm tired and I've had a few glasses of wine. I'm not drunk. I'm barely even tipsy. But I'm tired. I'm hoping that if I go lay down now, while feeling a little bit more relaxed, I might actually be able to get some sleep. I managed 3 and a half hours last night, and I need more than that for tomorrow, if the work week trend continues.

So I'm going to go collapse on my bed and see if something sleep like can occur. Later, all.

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July 11th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 11

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I take back everything I said about work yesterday. Today was hell. Almost everyone came in today with an attitude. The ones that didn't come in with an attitude wanted to flirt poorly. I didn't think my outfit was that on point, but clearly I was mistaken.

I did manage to have a pretty good writing day today. It's not quite as good as I actually wanted, but it was still decent enough. I'm coming along nicely towards my goal.

If I keep up at the same pace I'm at, I'll manage the 50k well enough. That's not my ultimate goal, though. I'm aiming for at least 65,000 words. Yes, I'm aiming for 15,000 words more than what I actually need for the month. We'll see if I end up actually managing to make it.

I worked pretty much across the board today: I wrote on [community profile] 15kinks main verse and Worst Case Scenario Femmes, and I did some vague planning on Worst Case Scenario Femme Goody. I also read over parts of Resurrectionist to try to get an idea of where I want to go with it. (Other than that it will have to include an author's note saying:
"This story was originally meant to be a get together fic for Goodnight and Billy that someone we know requested. They acted like a dickweed, though, so we decide against that. The story was continued out of rage and spite, and the pairings changed. Oh my, how the pairings changed."

And yeah, that's pretty much it for me for today. Later.

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July 10th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 10

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It was a good day for writing. It was a hell of a day for work. Such a fucking Monday. So many assholes, so long the day.

But I did manage writing, and I guess that's good enough.

And sadly that's about all I've got to say for myself for day. Later, all.

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July 9th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 9

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I keep drifting off where I'm sitting, which is actually a little embarrassing, I guess. At least it wasn't happening at Panera Bread this time, though. There is a that, at least.

I could have stood for a nap today before taking [personal profile] katsuko to Mirko, but that didn't end up happening. We finally watched Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice for the first time today. I think we were both rather underwhelmed. Wonder Woman was good in it, but I think we otherwise spent most of the movie shit talking the screen. Bat-ffleck was good. I guess. Jeremy Irons' Alfred was good. Again, I guess.

Honestly, most everything I have to say for the film is sort of "I guess". I couldn't find anything to feel strongly about one way or another within the movie... which actually has a lot to say about my feelings on Wonder Woman as well. Neither movie was bad, so to say, but I won't go as far as to say that either of them were good either.

I'm going to have to cut myself off with less than 2000 words today. [personal profile] katsuko has a 6:00 shift at IKEA tomorrow, so we have a very early morning ahead of us. Honestly, if I was smart, I would have already been in bed by now. Of course, we also had Mirko today, so we got home late, which throws everything off as far as sleep goes.

And wow, I spend most of my time on here talking about sleep, don't I? That's actually probably pretty damn sad.

So I'm going to cut this off here, throw myself at my bed, and then go write at the Peachtree Center Mall while I eat breakfast in the morning. Later, y'all.

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July 8th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 8

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So. Damn. Sleepy.

I didn't have work today, but I still got up with [personal profile] katsuko to make sure she got off okay and arrived at work all right. And then I went back to bed and slept. I feel like I slept so much... but I also felt like I could have slept a few more hours and not been hurt by it.

Or I need words to cooperate earlier in the day so I can go to bed when I first start drifting off in the evening. I think in general, I need that to start happening, so that I'm getting more sleep during the week too. I'm already writing most of the train ride in, on my entire lunch break, and any quiet moments on the desk. I'm not sure how much more I can sneak into the work day. I guess I'll need to try and come up with something.

I'm just about to the point of telling [personal profile] katsuko to prompt me on these Worst Case Scenario stories. The initial few stories carried me through most of June and the first few days of July, but they're being difficult now. (I think I just wrote the world's vaguest cunnilingus. OMG.) I think I want to get through the sweet bit where I'm at and then go back to being mean to various versions of the characters, but the problem is that I'm not sure what kind of mean I want to be and to which version of the characters. I mean, we have eight different versions of this damn story, after all: main verse, modern au, femme Faraday modern, femme Goody modern, the femmes, worst case scenario femmes, worst case scenario bi!Goody, and BDSM verse. I think that's eight versions. I'm sleepy, and I can't count right now.

I'm seriously so tired that my brain feels like it keeps going offline and restarting every so often. I keep losing my train of thought and trailing off in the middle of sentences. I need sleep. Once I hit my 2000 words for the day, I'll go do just that. I'm probably going to have a lot of things to fix tomorrow, but I'll deal with that tomorrow.

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July 7th, 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo July Edition/JulNoWriMo Day 7

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It's actually taking everything I have today to keep my eyes open long enough to type this up, so that maybe I can go to bed at a decent time.

Yeah, right.

But I'm thinking I'm going to have to, because I'm actually more tired than I can ever remember being. I'm tired to the point that I'm not sure how to keep making words work for me.

I think I am going to try that sleep thing. I'll just have to make up my words tomorrow, once I've had a chance to sleep a bit more.

Good night, all.

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