Apollymi

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October 14th, 2018

Oww

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Something set my skin off fierce. I haven't been outside for more than a few seconds today, so I'm guessing it's something I wore or touched at home. My neck, jawline, chest, and hands -- specifically, my fingers -- are a mess of itchy, watery bubbles.

Saying itchy feels like a misnomer. It's not descriptive enough. It feels like, if I could scratch my entire skin off, it might almost -- almost!! -- feel better. that's the kind of itchy it feels like.

I'm hoping I'll be able to get some rest and maybe it'll be improved by morning. Wish me luck.

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October 9th, 2018

Ehh

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Well, I made it through today. Work was... work. I got some lovely compliments from one of the STEP testers, which is always nice, and I might have slyly mentioned that she was more than welcome to leave nice comments on her survey at the end. And I also managed to do the doctor's appointment thing. No really big changes. I have a new anxiety medication to try, once I get the prescription filled, and I have to go back in a couple of weeks to see if it's helping any.

Also happening today, Anastasia got robbed at gunpoint at the Walmart on her side of town yesterday afternoon. Yes, afternoon, around 6 o'clock. She had the baby with her. They got pretty much everything but her house keys: car keys, purse, wallet, phone, everything. She's been messaging me through Instagram to let me know what's the what. In broad ass daylight, with other people walking around nearby... other people that tried to chase the two robbers down and told the police where they went. And this is what has my anxiety through the roof most of today.

And that's pretty much all I've got for today. Good night, my freaky darlings.

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October 8th, 2018

Something

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I'm bad for using the subject line, aren't I? Whoops. It just works so well on a regular basis.

I think my next big purchase, after our visit with Mist at the end of the month, is going to be higher RAM and a bigger hard drive for Gabriel here. He came to me with 4 GB of RAM and a 750 GB hard drive. But I can upgrade him as far as 16 GB of RAM, and I kind of like the sound of a 2 TB hard drive. That'll speed things up some, and it'll give me more room to play around with stuff. This appeals to me, obviously... at least the higher RAM. More RAM means I can take advantage more of my i7 processor.

I think Gabriel is going to come with me to work tomorrow. That way, I can play on him while I'm waiting for my doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon, as well as if I end up having to wait a bit for [personal profile] katsuko to get off work tomorrow. Plan? Plan. This is all good.

And yeah, that's about all I've got to say for myself for today. Tomorrow, I have a doctor's appointment, obviously, but... yeah... that's all I've got.

Good night, my freaky darlings.

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October 4th, 2018

Blegh

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I can't put into words how cruddy I feel right now: cold and clammy but also hot, like there's something stuck in the back of my throat that I can't quite cough out, tired but not sleepy, sore, and headachy. I pulled a charley horse overnight yesterday (and yet somehow managed not to wake myself up with it, clearly a sign that I'm too used to my legs hurting too much if I slept through it), and it's still been sore today. Not to mention the ongoing foot/ankle pain issue.

I got the results back from my latest blood work. My C-reactive protein remains high: currently an 11.6 when it should be no higher than 4.9.

And that's it. I'm going to make myself go to bed now. Good night.

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September 28th, 2018

Rant ahead

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I’m just gonna sit here and bang my head against the wall.

Next month is going to be the first real vacation @katsuko1978 and I have taken together since 2010, when we spent 3 days together in Saint Augustine, FL. (By “real vacation”, I mean a relaxing trip where we leave the city we currently live in and do the cheapest, cheesiest touristy things.) We’re actually only getting to take this one because we’re staying with @mistmarauder instead of getting a hotel.

I’m in the middle of getting oral surgery to take out a bunch of broken teeth, because paying for the dentist hasn’t been in the budget. Once we pay the parts my (crappy Georgia Board of Regents) dental insurance won’t handle, it’s going to be nearly $5000.

I’m slowly paying my Mum back for the loan towards replacing my car. I’m trying to save money to help @katsuko1978 buy a scooter, so that we have two vehicles, especially when we work in different cities. I’m trying to pay off the parts of my surgery to remove uterine fibroids (back in December 2017) that the (crappy Georgia Board of Regents) medical insurance wouldn’t cover. I’m trying to pay off various bills that have gone into collections.

...

...

So of course right now is when my laptop decides it’s time to start dying. I have been trying to make it last until I get my tax return next year, but now I’m starting to worry. I’ve been used to the trackpad not working; it’s been iffy since Roo sat on it many years ago. I’ve been used to the speakers not being the best and crackling when I play any sounds; I got a cheap external speaker to handle the problem.

But then the screen started losing liquid crystals about a year ago, leaving me with one corner of the screen completely black. Okay, I said, it’s just a small spot.

But then half the screen suddenly lost part of its brightness. It’s not completely gone, but one of half of the screen is still as bright as normal and the other half is constantly about half as bright as that. It wasn’t easy, but I could still see enough of it to write. When I couldn’t see something well enough, I mirrored the screen onto the TV.

But then two weeks ago, a small piece of plastic broke off the housing right below the trackpad. Well, it’s nearly ten years old, I said to myself; losing a little plastic here and there is expected.

And now tonight, a second piece of plastic popped off below the trackpad, and now it’s popped up and mostly detached from the rest of the laptop. I have to run a small fan on the side to keep it a little cooler. I’m slowly working on backing everything up to an external hard drive and Dropbox.

Because I damn sure cannot afford a new $1300 laptop. Hell, right now, I can’t afford a $1100 Apple refurbished one. No, let’s go one step further than that: I can’t even afford a $600 refurbished one from Mac of All Trades.

Something’s got to give here. At this rate, it might just be me.

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September 26th, 2018

Something

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Yeah, this one is going to be very short. I'm tired. I feel like crap. I went on the rag nearly a week early. I'm crampy. I'm bloaty. My head hurts. I just feel like crap in general.

On the other hand, I have very sweet kitties who insist I need all the purrs and nuzzles to make me feel better. Luci has bathed my fingers I don't even know how many times. It's all very sweet and all, and I have to say I do appreciate it. They're good girlies when they're not fighting with each other.

And yeah, that's about all I've got. I'm just ready for this work week to be over, so that I can have my weekend. It'll probably still be too short anyway, but a couple of days off my feet sounds really lovely right about now.

And that's it. That's all I've got. Good night, all.

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September 25th, 2018

Another

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I'm getting about sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I feel like I'm nauseous approximately 25% of the day, which leaves me feeling lethargic, which gets me "cheer up" and "are you sad, you can tell me anything" and so forth comments from Glynda. And I'm not the biggest fan of that.

How wrong would it be to apply to jobs back at FSU? Because I'm thinking not that bad.

And yeah, that's about all I've got for today.

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September 17th, 2018

Bleh, Monday

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Well, I made it through the work day. I didn't have to maim or kill anyone... but it came close. So many little nitpicky rules that they're suddenly deciding they want to enforce... and then cop attitudes, saying shit like "Well, these rules have always been there" and "I don't know about your old district manager, but I've always required these be done" and so forth. It's some terribly frustrating shit.

Also incredibly frustrating: I got a bill back from my dental insurance, saying they don't pay for temporary bridges, so hock up the $1400 I now owe them. Like, wtf? WTF? Why do I pay all this money to you guys then?

And, yeah, that's it. I'm still running only because of rage and spite, and I have reached the limits of how far they will carry me. Good night, all.

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September 13th, 2018

Almost...

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Two days into this newest medication for my joint pain, and all I can say for it so far is that it's not the hugest pill I've ever had to take. It does, however, get stuck in my throat more than just about any other pill I've ever taken. It requires so much liquid to get down. I do not like it so far, obviously, but if it decides it's going to help some of the pain, I'll put up with it. (I'll also gladly put up with the supposed "decreased appetite" side effect listed online for it. Yes, please.)

Tomorrow is payday, but mostly I'm just ready for the weekend again.

And yeah, that's all I've got (again). I'm gonna go crawl into my bed now.

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September 8th, 2018

Dentist

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So, I guess the dentist thing went pretty good. I guess I misunderstood because I thought I was getting a cleaning and then fitted for my temporary partials today... but all I was getting was fitted. It was uncomfortable, and I didn't enjoy it, and I think I can still taste the stuff that they use to make the impressions. Any way you cut it, it wasn't a great experience.

That said, I indulged in my favorite grocery store pizza for lunch and I used my Olive Garden gift card for dinner, so the day wasn't a complete waste. It was nice getting to have my favorite frozen pizza today, but damn, now I want it again already... in addition to the Indian I've been craving for a week. Paneer Mahkani sounds freaking amazing right now, especially with some cheese naan. I have needs, folks. Needs.

And I think that's about it. My concentration is absolutely shot today. I'm not sure I could string together any else resembling coherency.

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September 7th, 2018

Friday

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I feel like I should be saying that my week of service has ended. It honestly feels a little like community service sometimes, going into work... and not the kind you do for fun either.

Tomorrow is my next dentist appointment. I'm no looking forward to it, not with the over $700 copay that I have to do.

And that's it. I'm too wiped out to type coherently, and it's taken me nearly four hours to make this tiny bit of a post. I'm gonna shut it down and try to get a little bit of sleep ahead of the dentist thing tomorrow. Good night, all.

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September 1st, 2018

Four hours

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Well, that's four hours of my life I'm never getting back.

The MRIs today were... interesting. My first appointment was supposed to be at 1:15. I arrived at 12:45, just to be on the safe side, since that hospital is laid out a bit weirdly. That part was a wise idea, because one of the two garages was closed, and the shuttle between buildings wasn't running. Once we got in the right building, it still took a few minutes to find the place to go to register then go down to the MRI waiting room. It ended up being right about 1:10 when I got there.

But it ended up being nearly 3:00 before I was taken back to MRI areas. But at least once I was back, it was quick: I got to done by around 4:30 or so. I guess I just wasn't planning on the bulk of my day being taken up with this. Unlike yesterday, I feel very unaccomplished. I don't think I got hardly anything done, and sadly my long weekend is now almost halfway over. This is very sad-making.

And to make matters worse, I've barely gotten any writing done today. I had all the plans of writing on the original stuff or the dark powers 'verse or even more of Shelter... but no, of course not. I did help [personal profile] katsuko apply for some jobs, so that's a good thing, I guess. I guess that counts if nothing else. I did try to get her interested in writing something, even if it was only the opposite POV on some of these stories as what I have (because sometimes that segues into her getting writing done in that same verse), but nothing.

I guess, all in all, I feel pretty useless about today. C'est la vie?

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August 31st, 2018

Friday Freedom

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Well, it's been a real busy kind of Friday, but I feel like we got so much accomplished all the same, which is a nice change to feeling like the whole day has been wasted at work. We picked up my handicapped placard for the car. We got my blood work done. We did thorough showers in anticipation of dying hair on Saturday or Sunday. We stopped by a couple of places, picking up things we did need from the stores, and that's been about it.

It's a nice change of pace, feeling like I've accomplished something during the day.

Tomorrow, I think the MRIs are the only thing I have to do. Or it's the only thing that has be done at a certain time. Wish me luck.

And that's it. I'm tired. I've got nothing else left in me. Good night, all.

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August 26th, 2018

Skill

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I wish I knew why I am so damn tired. Maybe it's the driving. Every time I shift, I find myself sort of waking back up, even thought I don't really remember falling asleep. I've found myself getting ready to respond aloud to things I'm hearing in this semi-sleep state. Like in this semi-asleep state, I'll be hearing (for instance) that I've been talking to Mum or Aunt Cathy or whomever; semi-asleep me will try to answer them out loud.

I feel like I've come back with an extra world in my head, which is sort of an odd thing to say, yes? I did get to bring back some delicious casseroles, though, which was really nice. Down inside my ears hurt too, but I think that might be the teeth making a long delayed reappearance at the Feeling Rough Olympics.

And I think that's it. I think that's all I've got to say. I need to go throw myself at my bed and hope for the very best. So, alas, no free more oddities to go in my symptoms and so forth, mainly because I'm freaking exhausted and I'm going to go this sleep thing. Good night, all.

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August 21st, 2018

Rheumatologist

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So I did my appointment with my rheumatologist today. I... guess it went all right. I think she's going to be renewing my prescription for Vitamin D after she gets my level results back. They drew about four vials of blood, because she is going to redo all the tests that's been done on me over the years: lupus, inflammation, probably thyroid... you name it, I think she's rechecking it. They're going to try to set up an MRI on my right wrist and right ankle, and then I have to go back in October.

She did say that she feels like fibromyalgia is the correct diagnosis, but she also said that she doesn't want to write me off as just fibromyalgia and call it a day. She said something about having a feeling in her gut that fibro isn't all of it, that there's something else that we're all missing. Hence running all the tests again. Going back to the beginning, she called it. I think I'm good with that.

Other than that, it's been a pretty quiet day with lots of testing and driving and writing. So I don't really have anything else to add.

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August 20th, 2018

Monday

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It's Monday all over again, apparently. I'm not a huge fan of them to begin with, but they're a whole lot less fun when you have a coworker coming back from a week and a half's vacation in a bad mood and the still looming threat of another mystery shopper and another coworker who likes to stir shit up.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with the rheumatologist. I'm not sure what the plan is for it or what he wants to talk about. I'm pretty sure he's going to want to check my Vitamin D levels again because they usually suck. I'm hoping to speak to him about the ongoing pain in my ankles that makes walking very difficult... and if any of this ongoing shit would in any way qualify me for either disability or at least a handicap placard for the car.

And yeah, that's about it. I'm just looking forward to only having a partial day at work tomorrow. I'll get to leave at 2:15, after all, and that's damn good by me.

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August 6th, 2018

Monday

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Yeah, it was a Monday. It was one hell of a Monday, because Glynda was in a right damn mood... and Richard was in a right damn mood... and it ended up being right at 5:15 when LaTrease told Anastasia and me to pack up and leave (before we get even more overtime built up)... and I didn't make it to the gym again today... and just everything else.

I did, however, manage to get my first actual appointment with my new dentist, even if it's not until September. I can deal with that. I think it's just going to be a cleaning and fitting me for my temporary dentures. That way, when I go back for my big oral surgery (12 damn extractions!), I'll have teeth to chew with immediately afterwards. That will be a good thing. I'm hoping we can spread some of this out over a few months, so that I have time to reacquire money in between, but we'll take it one day at a time.

Anyway, it's past time for me to go to bed. I'm going to give that a try, see if I can't make myself sleep, no matter that I'm still not particularly feeling tired.

So long, my freaky darlings!

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July 28th, 2018

Camp NaNoWriMo July 2018 Edition - Day 28

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Well, I did the dentist thing this morning. I do have to say that it was most a consultation… one that involved a lot of X-Rays and such being taken, including one of my whole damn head. Apparently, this is going to involve less work than Mum feared but a whole lot more than I was anticipating. I will need to have oral surgery to remove 12 impacted or broken teeth, several of which have some level of infection around them. After that, I’ll need to get a temporary partial denture. Once my mouth has healed some from that, I’ll get a permanent partial denture. After my mouth has healed some from that, I’ll have to get at least four cavities filled and one root canal with a crown.

Now supposedly, my insurance will cover a large portion of this. The out of pocket expense for me, though, is going to be $2700 up to the partial denture part of that. I might have to wait until the next insurance year starts to get the rest of this done, because otherwise, it’s going to be all out of pocket. A good half of the ones I’m looking at now will be out of pocket, because my annual maximum is $1500. (Yes, my dental insurance literally has a maximum I can spend. WTF?)

Other than that, it’s been a relatively quiet day. I’m not sure what else to say. That’s been my sticker shock going on all day.

Anyway, I’m going to go throw myself at my bed and hope for sleep. If not sleep, then at least do some more writing. I’m not going to hit my goal of 2,000 words tonight, but maybe I can get a bit closer to being caught up. Either way, good night, all.

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July 27th, 2018

Camp NaNoWriMo July 2018 Edition - Day 27

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Oh thank fuck, it’s finally Friday. I was seriously starting to think (yet again) that it wasn’t going to arrive. And then I thought I was going to be at work for all of it. I feel like I live there most of the time anyway.

Tomorrow is my first dentist appointment in years. I’m both looking forward to it and not. I doubt anything much is going to be accomplished tomorrow. We just have to do a consultation and get an idea of what needs to be done and when and how much it will cost, with my crappy insurance.

And now, even though it’s relatively early for me, I’m going on to bed. Good night, all.

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July 26th, 2018

Camp NaNoWriMo July 2018 Edition - Day 26

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Is it Friday yet? I’m ready, really damn ready for this week to be over. It’s been long and it’s been tired an it be , and I’m all fed up with that. I’m tired of having to walk and do stuff when I hurt the way I’m hurting right now.. Every time I put the slightest bit of weight on my right ankle, it starts screaming in pain. Sounds like some, but I would prefer not to ever think about the stuff otherwise.

All that going on, I obviously don’t have a lot of writing done. I certainly haven’t done as much as I need to, do. Given that there are moments where I want to throw up if I step too wrong. I haven’t fallen lately. I haven’t done anything really that that would warrant . I haven’t fallen in nearly a month or so now. , And given that sometimes, just sometimes, that pain is what defines everything I do, I think it’s fairly all right for me to describe it as unbearable.

All that adds up to a pretty poor and miserable me. I haven’t felt like anything in a while, but getting from work to the train station nearly did me today, and that’s not awesome. After tomorrow, though, I can put it up for a bit and rest it ahead of Monday and going back to work. Except for my dentist appointment on Saturday morning, I have no plans whatsoever this weekend, except resting.

And now, I’m going to go throw myself at my bed and try to get a few hours sleep before I do everything all over again. (Really, it’s the thought that it’s Friday that’s sustaining me right now.) I’m tired as fuck, but I’m just hurting too much right now to actually really sleep. So right now, the whole sleep thing is just a hope, not a guarantee. But oh, I’m gonna try. And I’m off to go try that now.

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