Apollymi

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January 22nd, 2019

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Seriously, I could drop flat on my face and never move again. I'm tired. I hurt. I'm emotionally exhausted. I got paid on Friday, and I'm already broke, because damn it, bills are just about all we can afford to pay.

On the upshot, I do have a phone interview on Friday. Amusingly, I know two out of the three people I'll be phone interviewing with. Hell, two of them are in the same department as me, and one is the head of GSU Testing. The only one I don't know is the head of testing at GSU Alpharetta. I've been trying not to get my hopes up, but I applied for a job with GSU Testing Alpharetta. It would save me a huge amount of time, gas money, and wear and tear on the car if I'm driving 15 minutes to work instead of an hour and a half, you know?

I'm so sick and damn tired of people belittling the amount of pain I feel. I have Glynda, who complains every day about how sick she feels or how exhausted she feels or how her "bad shoulder" hurts. If my back or one of my legs decides to give out every so often, though, it's always "You're too young for that kind of pain" or "Well, you have an old mattress, so that's why you hurt". Bitch, no. The point is that no one knows why I hurt all the time. The point is that there are days I legitimately am only able to come to work because it's next to impossible to get time off. Like, I have 28 hours of vacation time, but over 80 of sick time.

And that's another rant that makes me miss Florida: we have to take the time the university is closed as off. There is no way to work during that time. However, we have two choices: we can either not be paid for that time or we can use our own vacation time for it. And I'm over here screaming, "What the fucking fuck?! Florida is supposed to be the broke state so far as how it pays its state workers, but it at least knows that, if you require a person to not be at work, don't make them pay for it! And yet, everyone here goes on like it's a great thing, because apparently, there used to be no choice: you just weren't paid for the time the universities were closed unless it was an actual holiday.

And then there's the whole thing where I regularly end up working a few more minutes over 40 hours on a regular basis nearly every week. If this time doesn't "mysteriously" get erased from the system, I don't get overtime for it. I don't even get comp time for it. If I don't somehow "lose" this time, I end up getting regular pay for it. And it doesn't stretch too far in Atlanta, even the suburbs.

Honestly, it's to the point where I'm thinking about taking another part-time job. I'm not sure where I would find the time -- or, more importantly, the energy -- for it, but there needs to be more steady money coming into this household. We can't count on [personal profile] katsuko's money being the same week to week, and all my insurance bills went up at the beginning of the year. I did get a 1% pay hike, but it was not enough to offset the insurance increase.

And that's my daily whinge. Goodnight.

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January 9th, 2019

009

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So I heard back from my doctor. She wants me to go see a gastroenterologist and likely have a new endoscopy done. She's not too sure what to make of any of this, and she feels like she needs more lab results instead of relying solely on symptoms. So she's going to put me in a referral to one she knows and has worked with before. Mum wants to come with to the initial appointment, and honestly, I'm inclined to let her. I seem to be shit lately at explaining my issues to doctors in a way that makes everything clear and understood. Letting one of the family nurses come along could only be a good thing, I'm thinking.

Other than that, it was a fairly quiet day today. I mean, yeah, Glynda made one girl cry, but that's not exactly unusual.

And I didn't get nearly as much written today as I did yesterday, but I guess that's okay too.

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January 8th, 2019

008

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Well, today sucked out loud. And weirdly, it wasn't even work that sucked. No, it actually went pretty all right, with coworkers behaving well and pleasant testers, even when they didn't pass their tests! I know: amazing, right?

No, apparently, the ongoing saga of my health continues. I've had issues in the past with my stomach. I had a gastroenterologist back in Tallahassee, Dr. Konda. She was one of the most abrupt, terrifying doctors I've ever worked with, but damn, she knows her stuff. She did an endoscopy of me, I think back in 2010 or so. I had a small ulcer, a Schatzki ring, a hiatal hernia, and an esophagus that -- in her words -- looked like a cat scratched it up.

I keep having trouble with food getting stuck (or "impacted") in my esophagus. When it happens, it's a sudden sharp pain right below my sternum. Most of the time I can still breathe, but there's no getting around the issue. Sometimes I can try to swallow on nothing and get it to go down, but the majority of the time, I end up gagging and having to throw up all my food to get any relief.

I've had this for years, obviously. It's been an issue in the past, but oh, it has been flaring up quite a bit recently. It's happened a few times with bread and once or twice with tortilla chips, but now it's starting with pasta and sometimes rice too.

Well, joy of all joys, it happened today at work. I had a couple of bites of my lemon chickpea orzo soup... and then, bam! Stuck feeling. I ended up throwing up in the staff room sink a few times, before I retreated to the staff restroom to throw up for pretty much the rest of my lunch period. In fact, I ended up vomiting so hard that I actually got to see what looked like silver sparkles or Christmas tinsel all over the room. Let me tell you: that sucked. I thought I was going to pass out in the staff bathroom.

Obviously I got through it, but damn, it was scary. I mean, like, legit scary. Between feeling like you're choking and then thinking you're going to pass out? Not a fun way to spend a Thursday lunch shift.

So I couldn't eat my lunch or snack today. I ended up having breakfast and dinner and a lot of soda, because sometimes the carbonation helps clear up the choking feeling.

And yes, I contacted my doctor. I'm waiting for her to get back in touch with me. The nurses in my family want me to get checked for something called "eosinophilic esophagitis", especially since my PPI medicine doesn't seem to be working much anymore.

So, I guess I have to find a new GI doctor up here. Great, more money going out.

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December 28th, 2018

Friday

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Well, I wish I had a lot to say about today. I had my appointment at my regular doctor. She said my back pain could be something as simple as needing a new mattress. She doesn't think it's a herniated disc, which I guess is good. She did say that she would order an x-ray, just to be on the safe side. She wants me to start doing some simple exercises at home and, if they don't work, she will order physical therapy.

I'm trying not to complain, but I'm torn between thinking that she isn't taking this very seriously and thinking that I'm just spinning my wheels. Maybe I'm just meant to be hurting constantly. I know that the 800mg Motrin isn't really cutting it these days, but I also don't want to do too much of the addictive stuff either. All the doctors I've been to over the years, and no one has pinned down a reason for it. No one has ever pinned down a reason to say "this right here, this is why you always hurt". I've had one doctor say "it must be fibromyalgia", but then I've had so many since say they don't want to give me a "throwaway diagnosis" like that.

So I just don't know. I'm stumped.

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December 27th, 2018

Thursday

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Well, I've finally reached the point that the permanent crown is now actually permanent. I can eat with it now, which is something I haven't really been able to do in a while. I can bite down with my front teeth, which is going to make a huge different in what I am and am not able to eat.

That said, I haven't done a lot of eating today. Queasy stomach and all that grossness has put quite a downer on my food exploits.

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December 26th, 2018

Wednesday

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And I've now made it through one of the worst parts of my vacation, one of the parts I've been dreading the most: getting my permanent crown put on my front tooth. I wish I could say that the process was quick and painless, but I'd be lying and I'm not much in the mood for it. Thankfully, Doctor Lee learned from the last time and deadened my mouth a good deal first... but it was still sensitive to temperatures, especially when they were fitting it. We also had to get the gums away from the site before we could cement the permanent crown into place, and that hurt like the devil too.

But it's over and done with.

All that said, though, I'm going to put off going again for a little while. I feel like I need to give my mouth -- and my nerves -- a chance to rest a bit. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that the sound of a dentist's drill plays in my nightmares.

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December 17th, 2018

Monday

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The dreaded Monday has arrived again. I somehow stumbled through it, though I must admit that I have no idea how I did. Today was a bit of a pain-filled blur. It feels like my back is getting worse, and the shoulders and neck aren't far behind. The feet and hands aren't far behind, especially today. As much as I hate to do it, I might have to see about setting up a doctor's appointment for after the holiday. There's just no way I would be able to get in this week, even though I'm opening Wednesday and Thursday mornings at work. The money for the appointment just isn't there, as well as the money for any prescriptions I might end up having to get.

It's probably pretty damn sad when $30 for a doctor's appointment is too rich for what I can afford, isn't it?

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December 8th, 2018

Saturday

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Well, today has been fun, if a little odd, in a way. I got [personal profile] katsuko dropped off at work and then scooted over to my eye appointment. When I went to this doctor last year, it ended up taking several hours over two weekends to get the whole thing over and dealt with. Today it took... 30 minutes, start to finish. Just shows what can happen when everything is working right and everyone is present. It makes for a huge improvement over the last time I was there.

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December 2nd, 2018

Whining

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I don't want to have to go back to work tomorrow! I've been enjoying being at home and not having to deal with testers! More than that, I don't want to have to deal with Glynda. Either way, I guess I do have to go back, but that doesn't mean that I have to be happy about it.

I'm seriously feeling all the places where Doc Li had to poke me with the needle. Apparently, whatever painkiller they use to deaden teeth to do fillings and all, I metabolize it very quickly. If what I'm reading is right and the numbing drug they use is Lidocaine, then yeah, I do indeed do that. (And I need to quit trying to make sense of medical papers about the phenomena, because they don't make sense to me even when I'm not half drugged.

I made the mistake of taking one of my hydrocodone pills last night to try to forestall my teeth hurting too much. When it finally kicked in, I collapsed like a flan in a cupboard. I slept through the night for once, as well as a lot of today. Which is both nice and a pain in the ass. I hate losing days of my weekend like this.

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December 1st, 2018

Happy December!

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I survived NaNoWriMo, and I didn't even end up crying over it this year. I think that's cause for celebration.

However, my body's gift to me was to go on the rag on the 30th, and I've been bleeding like a crime scene ever since. Gotta love that, huh?

Also, I had my dentist appointment this morning. They did 3 fillings and got me set up for a new crown. That will go on on the 26th, so there is that.

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November 26th, 2018

NaNoWriMo 2018 - Day 26

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Well, I made it through work today. It was only slightly a pain in the ass. The girl who caused all the problems on Wednesday sent her mom up to Testing to file a complaint. In the end, Chris had to give her all of our names as well as contact information. So that's gonna be all kinds of fun.

This Saturday, the 1st, is my next dentist appointment. I both am and am not looking forward to it. I am looking forward to have so of these cavities filled. I am not looking forward to the inevitable freakout I'll have when I hear that drill. I've just about got myself freaked out over it now.

Anyway, off to bed and see if I can't make it through this work week. Later, all.

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November 15th, 2018

NaNoWriMo 2018 - Day 15

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I'll be glad if I can ever kick whatever it is that's wrong with me, whether it's a bad cold or a mild case of the flu or even a sinus infection. I feel all congested and sniffly and sneezy, and breathing still sucks, but now I'm adding in my ears hurting and a headache. For me, that usually means a sinus infection... again.

Not looking forward to tomorrow. One last day of work this week and then the weekend. It won't be a completely lazy weekend, though, because I have to go sit a couple of kitties tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday.

I think I'm gonna go throw myself at my bed, though, and hope to feel a little better tomorrow. Good night, all.

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November 14th, 2018

NaNoWriMo 2018 - Day 14

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Well, I can't say that I'm feeling any better. I'm taking as much zinc as I can stand to in order to try to cut this off before it gets really bad, since -- as always -- I can't take time off work to try to rest and recuperate.

I'm really about sick of all this rain. It's been what? Four or five days of pretty much straight rain. I'm starting to feel a bit like a drowned rat here. And it's supposed to keep going another few days. Is it... wrong to hope that someone declares that it isn't safe to cross the Chattahoochee so I can't go to work?

I need sleep. I think I'm gonna go give it a try.

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November 13th, 2018

NaNoWriMo 2018 - Day 13

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Well, this fucking sucks. I woke up this morning feeling run down. By lunch, I had the sniffles. And by the end of the work day, I couldn't breathe through my nose. And now I just feel tired and achy and leaky and sneezy and sniffly and just very overall blah. But of course I can't take any time off work to try to get to feeling better. Especially when Glynda will be out this Friday through Thanksgiving and then LaTrease will be out after that. So I'm just going to front load as much zinc as I can ahead of time, in the hopes that it's actually a cold and not the flu.

I did manage a bit of writing today, split between two stories, but I'm starting to think that this year I'm not going to hit the full 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo. Everything keeps conspiring against me this go-round.

That said, I'm going to take my sick ass to bed and hope that some sleep will help. Good night, all.

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November 3rd, 2018

NaNoWriMo 2018 - Day 03

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Oh gods, I don't know what to say here. Technically, it's not even the 3rd anymore while I'm typing this up. But I started it while it was still the 3rd, and I'm damn well going to finish it.

I did go by the dentist this morning, after dropping [personal profile] katsuko off at work, and get my upper partial readjusted some more. The tech who worked on it, she trimmed it down in a lot of the places it was causing me pain: around the upper back left of my mouth where it had rubbed the gum raw and towards the upper front left where it was poking weirdly. She also loosened one of the metal wires holding it in place, so that it doesn't feel like it's stripping what remains of that tooth. And finally, she also trimmed down it down along the roof of my mouth, so that hopefully it will quit making me gag quite as often while I'm getting used to them. I'm hoping that these will be the last changes we have to make for a bit, but this is something that I'm very willing to keep going forward on.

Still not a great day for writing, but at least it was better than yesterday. I can say that much at least. [personal profile] katsuko is blowing me out of the water this year... and that's a good thing! I'm proud of her for it!

And yeah, that's all I've got for myself for today. I might go try to nap for a few minutes... or at the very least see about my unhappy bladder. Later, all.

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October 27th, 2018

More from Louisiana

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We have one more full day in Louisiana... and it's going to be a New Orleans-free day. It actually feels a little weird at this point, to be honest.

Today, we went back to New Orleans and hit a few of the places we didn't get to do yesterday: Marie Laveau's House of Voodoo and the New Orleans Voodoo Museum. (I hate to say it, but I did end sitting there thinking that I could use some of the stuff I was seeing in stories. Bless Mag7 for giving me a canon Cajun character.) Then we did the French Quarter Ghost and Vampire Tour, which was a lot of fun.

I spent a lot of the day with a huge ass headache, though, mostly thanks to my mouth hurting again. Or still. I'm not sure which is the proper one to go with there. Either way, it has been a huge pain, pun certainly intended. I'm sure I've been more miserable... but I can't really remember when. I actually really hate everything about this, and I'm tired of being miserable with it.

Anyway, tomorrow is a Civil War battlefield, a (regular, presumably not haunted) plantation, and then The Myrtles... for the haunted planation experience.

And yeah, that's all I've got for today. Later, all.

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October 24th, 2018

Less than a day

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I can't say the pain is really receding any, but I might be starting to get used to the gag impulse with the partials. I've graduated up to eat a few almost solid foods, but honestly, yogurt and smoothies and shakes have been the easiest to manage. And by "almost solid foods", I mean that I tried again soup today... and it wasn't a completely abysmal failure, unlike yesterday. Better still, I didn't end up wearing most of it. Chewing with the damn things in remains a stupidly difficult thing, but at least I'm no longer actively almost vomiting every time. I'll take that small win.

I'll take the small win of this little stuff. I would love a "big win", so to say, but I'll take what I can get at this point. Small wins are better than no wins at all, right? Right. At least that's what I'm going with.

We did some last minute cleaning before we leave tomorrow morning. Granted, that mostly means a little sweeping and a lot of throwing away, but still, it's something. It also means that anything that could be taken back the hall has been. We just have a few more empty boxes to take outside and another load of garbage to take to the dumpster and so forth, and then I'm tempted to call it good enough.

I'm also going with good enough for the spackle job Dr. Lee did on my broken front tooth. I'm hoping it'll hold up until my interview on the 1st.

And that's it. In a few hours, [personal profile] katsuko and I are headed out on our first real vacation since 2010. Here's hoping that it'll be as much fun as I'm hoping, even if eating will be difficult. Later, all.

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October 23rd, 2018

Oww

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No, seriously, oww. I think I hurt worse today than I did yesterday.

I went in for my fitting for the bottom partial... only to find out that it wasn't going to fit no matter what they tried. Apparently, somehow, when they were taking the mold for it, they didn't capture how far inside my mouth my jawbone goes, so every time they tried to push it into place, it just cut more and more of the inside of my mouth. They ended up trimming the bottom partial way down until it was nearly nothing and it was still cutting, so they gave up on it for now.

When I asked about how the upper one is making me gag so terribly, all they could offer was "you'll have to get used to it". (And I'm sitting there thinking about how this is going to be a good way to get me to lose weight, when trying to eat with the damn things in leaves me able to have milkshakes. Even bread hurt my mouth. Everything makes me gag and/or gives me the dry heaves.)

I keep trying to remind myself that it's only been a day and a half, really, since the damned things went in, no matter how much I hate them.

I'm gonna go try to lay down and see if sleep will happen, no matter how much my teeth and jaw hurt right now. Good night, all.

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October 22nd, 2018

Early

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This is going to be an early post. I'm tired. I'm hurting like fuck. And in general, I'm just ready for today to fucking be over.

I do have to go back tomorrow to be refitted for the bottom partial, as well as to check on the state of the stitches... because apparently I had to have stitches put in my mouth, in at least two different places. He said it was in the upper left and lower right, but I'm starting to think that he meant from his POV, so my upper right and lower left, but I don't know. I just know that my jaw hurts like hell on the bottom left (my lower left), and if that hasn't improved by when I go back tomorrow, I might just have to scream.

I've been texting everything to [personal profile] katsuko because trying to talk hurts and my voice keeps going out. I'm glad to be able to do all that via text, because otherwise I would be having to try to talk anyway or writing everything down by hand. Either way, it's no fun at all.

I think, though, that I'm gonna take my medicated self back the hall and try to get some sleep.

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October 21st, 2018

Late

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Well, it's late, and my head hurts, but I'm actually typing this after midnight, so I can't eat anything else. I'm not supposed to drink anything else either, so that's gonna make for an interesting morning tomorrow/today.

I feel like a mogwai here: no food after midnight. Already broke the rule about getting wet though, since a shower was hella hella necessary.

Surgery tomorrow, so I'm not sure how coherent tomorrow's post will be.

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